I’ve got a hole in my . . . shower

Last year I punched a hole through my shower wall. It was an accident, I SWEAR. I’d been scrubbing the tile, cursing under my breath, and wishing I could afford a cleaning person to do this sucky job for me, when all of a sudden—WHAM. Fist through tile. Oooops.

My incredibly handy husband cut out a piece of plexiglass and we glued/caulked it over the hole. It’s still there. I can see into the wall when I’m washing my hair. It’s a very dark and scary place. I’m sure there are GIANT RODENTS or SNAKES or ZOMBIES hiding in there, waiting to take a chomp out of my ass.

What is a romance writer doing living with a hole in the shower? She should be rolling in cash! She should be eating yogurt with a gold spoon and sipping three-hundred dollar champagne on a whim!

Yeah, no. NOT.

Most of the money I make is used to plug up the holes various emergencies make in our lives. What do you mean the chimney cracked? Um, I wasn’t planning on ripping out that wall, but I suppose we have to if there are MOLD VAMPIRES back there, and so on. Last year I managed to pay for two new floors, sheetrock, paint, and a t-shirt (the cement leaf picture above is what I found after ripping up carpet in my living room). This year so far I’ve managed to pay for my son’s championship tournament trip (he builds robots). I also hope to buy another t-shirt.

I can’t do any of that when people download pirated copies of my books on the interwebz. So, you know, DON’T DO THAT. Let me repeat myself in case I wasn’t loud enough: DON’T ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD BOOKS FROM THE WEB.

My novels are not that expensive, so it’s not setting you back very much when you buy one (unlike boring law textbooks which cost a fortune). And when you buy a legal copy, you’re not committing a crime for which you can be FINED (it’s not a silly little fifty-buck fine either, it’s $250,000).

In the next few days I’ll have to spend a fair amount of time sending DMCA takedown notices. This is a pain in the ARSE. I HATE doing it, but I’ve come to view it as one of those necessary evils. Everyone has a crappy thing that they hate about their job. I hate searching up pirate sites and seeing how many copies of my books have been downloaded. It’s a lot. Like, a MEGA HUGE STINKING PILE OF ALOT.

And Alots have a tendency to eat people when they steal things. Also, I need to repair my shower. If you buy one of my novels, you’re contributing to the Clean-Writer fund. How cool is that?