How Long Is Forever? – Release Day!

I’m so happy this story is finally out in the world. Writing this one felt different, because I felt different while writing it. I just came out of a long, slow journey from being very sick, to feeling a lot better. I know what it’s like to feel out of place. To feel like your body is rebelling against you. Eva struggles a lot with feeling like she is too big and too smart, and she needed a hero who could accept that with open arms. Charlie is that guy. ❤

Erotic Romance, May-Dec, BBW/Rubenesque, Contemporary
Word Count: 51,020
Heat Level: 3
Published By: Evernight Publishing

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Too tall, too smart, too fat—Eva is sick of guys treating her like crap because they can’t handle her curves or her brains. It’s time for her to ditch her pesky virginity, and when she needs help, there’s only one man on her shortlist: Charlie Greenwood, her dad’s best friend. So what if he’s too old for her? So what if he’s the guy she’s been crushing on for years? He was her rock when her parents died, and he’s the only man who treats her like a human being instead of a joke.

Charlie knows he shouldn’t look at Eva the way he does, but she’s got curves that go on forever, and he’s a sucker for a smart woman. So what if she’s too young for him? So what if he can’t stop imagining her in his bed? In his arms? Looking isn’t doing, right?

When Eva propositions him, suddenly looking isn’t enough. Lust has a way of wrecking the best intentions, especially when love lurks around the bend.

 

Story Excerpt:

Eva gasped as Charlie’s lips met hers. He felt big and strong and so fucking hot she could barely think beforehe kissed her, but now her brain went nuclear—sparks in all directions. She mindlessly scrabbled at his arms and sank her fingers into his shoulders. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t stop or push her away. He took everything she threw at him like a solid wall of awesomeness.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, breaking for air.

She sucked in a breath, but before she could say anything, he kissed her again. He hauled her up against him, moving her as if she weighed nothing at all. Eva squeaked, but Charlie didn’t let go. He kissed her deeper, sweeping his tongue along her lips and then into her mouth as if he would die if he couldn’t taste her. When he finally lifted his head, she swallowed, hard. She had to look up to see him, and wasn’t that something else. Holy what the fuck. Be careful what you ask for, she thought hazily. Her lips tingled. Her pussy tingled, and he hadn’t even gotten to second base.

Charlie didn’t speak. He looked at her with eyes gone dark and hot. He didn’t let go. He loomed over her like a beast, and Eva shivered and dug her fingers into his muscles. He didn’t even seem to notice. She liked him like this. She liked him in every way it was possible for a woman to like a man.

“Wow,” she whispered. Her lips felt swollen. Her tongue felt stupid. She bit her cheek so she wouldn’t beg him for more.

“Is this what you wanted?” he finally growled, aggressive and so damned male she shivered.

Eva licked her lips. “Yes.” It was her first kiss, and it was everything she’d ever wanted: a man who wasn’t afraid of her brain or her size or her strength. Charlie had no idea how rare that was. She gathered her wits. “More,” she said. “Please.”

Charlie inhaled sharply, eyes on her mouth. “God help me.” And then he lowered his head.

Eva trembled, expecting his lips on hers again, but instead, he kissed down her jaw to her throat. His mouth was hot and soft and ridiculously gentle.

“You smell like citrus,” he said, voice low and rumbly. “I want to eat you up.”

Good lord. Eva moaned, then hissed when he scraped his teeth along the sensitive skin near her ear. “Don’t stop,” she said, finally getting the courage to slide her fingers up into his hair. He still had some dried flecks of joint compound in it, and she smoothed it out of the strands as he kissed her again. For the first time, she tried to kiss him back. When her tongue met his, he groaned.

“Yeah. That’s it, honey.” Charlie bit her lip, then soothed it with his mouth.

Eva found herself writhing against him, trying to get closer. No wonder people do crazy things for love, she thought, wishing she could crawl inside him. His body pressed hard and heavy against hers, and he didn’t even budge as she wriggled. Something hot and thick pressed against her abdomen, and with sudden clarity, she realized it was his erection. Charlie was aroused. The sudden knowledge was enough to jerk her out of her sensual reverie. “Oh my God,” she said, voice breaking. “Oh my God.”

“Not God, Eva. Just a man.” Charlie kissed her again, sliding his hands up her body. One slid around her right breast, flicking the nipple. She hadn’t bothered with a bra, and clearly, he’d noticed. He cupped her and rolled his hips into her in a slow facsimile of fucking. “You’re so fucking gorgeous. Lush. Perfect.” His fingers teased her nipple into a tight, aching point. “Fuck. I want you so bad. I can’t stop touching you. Make me stop, Eva. Tell me no.”

Stop? Like hell I will, she thought, urging him on with her body. Eva’s skin prickled as pleasure shot from her breast to her clit. Her pussy throbbed, swollen and wet. She wanted more. So much more. She’d be totally okay if he wanted to go all the way with her right now. She wished he would.

“Please, Charlie,” she said, shocked when her voice came out soft and breathy. The best part about all of this was that she knew Charlie. She’d been half in love with him for years, and she could easily slip the rest of the way down that particular rabbit hole. She slid her hands down over his waist, then up under his tight shirt. His skin was silky smooth. Muscles contracted under her fingertips.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he muttered, even as he kissed her again. “I’m just going to hurt you.”

“No, you won’t.” Eva wound a leg around his thigh. His cock was so hot it felt like a brand against her belly. She couldn’t even imagine what it might feel like inside her. “I want you to do this, Charlie,” she said, just in case he got the ridiculous idea that he was forcing her into it. “I asked you for this, remember?”

Charlie growled again, sucking on her neck. It hurt. It felt divine. Eva sank her hands into his hair and made fists as he ravaged her neck. The harder she pulled, the wilder he became, so she gripped his hair with all her strength. When he bit down, she gasped, trying to get some friction at the juncture of her thighs. If he would just move his leg a little bit to the left…

He slid his hands down and cupped her ass, hauling her up against him. Eva ended up grinding down on his thigh. She shuddered, head falling back. She’d fingered herself to orgasm a hundred times, but it had never felt like this. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this.

“Charlie, please,” she begged, not sure what she was asking for. “I need more.”

He kissed her again, then slowly lowered her down and grasped her wrists. “Eva,” he said, whispering her name into her ear. “Shh, baby.”

“Wait, no,” she said, trying to get closer again. Why was he pulling away? She was so close.

Charlie panted, his forehead on her shoulder. “We have to stop.”

Eva shook her head. “No, we don’t. I know you, Charlie. I picked you for my first time.” She tried to pull her hands free, but he tightened his grip, and damn it all to hell, the restraint excited her even more. She loved that he was strong enough to handle her. No one else had ever even tried. “Please. I’m not a child anymore. I’m not just your best friend’s daughter, and you know it.”

How Long Is Forever Cover Reveal!

How Long Is Forever is releasing July 4!

Writing this book has meant a lot to me, because it touches on a lot of things that I’ve experienced and felt in my life: not fitting in, not being exactly the right size, not feeling beautiful. The hero is a wonderful man, but he has his flaws. The heroine is strong even though she doubts herself. I love this story, and I really hope you do, too.

Erotic Romance, May-Dec, Rubenesque
Word Count: 50,500

Too tall, too smart, too fat—Eva is sick of guys treating her like crap because they can’t handle her curves or her brains. It’s time for her to ditch her pesky virginity, and when she needs help, there’s only one man on her shortlist: Charlie Greenwood, her dad’s best friend. So what if he’s too old for her? So what if he’s the guy she’s been crushing on for years? He was her rock when her parents died, and he’s the only man who treats her like a human being instead of a joke.

Charlie knows he shouldn’t look at Eva the way he does, but she’s got curves that go on forever, and he’s a sucker for a smart woman. So what if she’s too young for him? So what if he can’t stop imagining her in his bed? In his arms? Looking isn’t doing, right?

When Eva propositions him, suddenly looking isn’t enough. Lust has a way of wrecking the best intentions, especially when love lurks around the bend.

 

Story Excerpt:

Eva gasped as Charlie’s lips met hers. He felt big and strong and so fucking hot she could barely think beforehe kissed her, but now her brain went nuclear—sparks in all directions. She mindlessly scrabbled at his arms and sank her fingers into his shoulders. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t stop or push her away. He took everything she threw at him like a solid wall of awesomeness.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, breaking for air.

She sucked in a breath, but before she could say anything, he kissed her again. He hauled her up against him, moving her as if she weighed nothing at all. Eva squeaked, but Charlie didn’t let go. He kissed her deeper, sweeping his tongue along her lips and then into her mouth as if he would die if he couldn’t taste her. When he finally lifted his head, she swallowed, hard. She had to look up to see him, and wasn’t that something else. Holy what the fuck. Be careful what you ask for, she thought hazily. Her lips tingled. Her pussy tingled, and he hadn’t even gotten to second base.

Charlie didn’t speak. He looked at her with eyes gone dark and hot. He didn’t let go. He loomed over her like a beast, and Eva shivered and dug her fingers into his muscles. He didn’t even seem to notice. She liked him like this. She liked him in every way it was possible for a woman to like a man.

“Wow,” she whispered. Her lips felt swollen. Her tongue felt stupid. She bit her cheek so she wouldn’t beg him for more.

“Is this what you wanted?” he finally growled, aggressive and so damned male she shivered.

Eva licked her lips. “Yes.” It was her first kiss, and it was everything she’d ever wanted: a man who wasn’t afraid of her brain or her size or her strength. Charlie had no idea how rare that was. She gathered her wits. “More,” she said. “Please.”

Charlie inhaled sharply, eyes on her mouth. “God help me.” And then he lowered his head.

Eva trembled, expecting his lips on hers again, but instead, he kissed down her jaw to her throat. His mouth was hot and soft and ridiculously gentle.

“You smell like citrus,” he said, voice low and rumbly. “I want to eat you up.”

Good lord. Eva moaned, then hissed when he scraped his teeth along the sensitive skin near her ear. “Don’t stop,” she said, finally getting the courage to slide her fingers up into his hair. He still had some dried flecks of joint compound in it, and she smoothed it out of the strands as he kissed her again. For the first time, she tried to kiss him back. When her tongue met his, he groaned.

“Yeah. That’s it, honey.” Charlie bit her lip, then soothed it with his mouth.

Eva found herself writhing against him, trying to get closer. No wonder people do crazy things for love, she thought, wishing she could crawl inside him. His body pressed hard and heavy against hers, and he didn’t even budge as she wriggled. Something hot and thick pressed against her abdomen, and with sudden clarity, she realized it was his erection. Charlie was aroused. The sudden knowledge was enough to jerk her out of her sensual reverie. “Oh my God,” she said, voice breaking. “Oh my God.”

“Not God, Eva. Just a man.” Charlie kissed her again, sliding his hands up her body. One slid around her right breast, flicking the nipple. She hadn’t bothered with a bra, and clearly, he’d noticed. He cupped her and rolled his hips into her in a slow facsimile of fucking. “You’re so fucking gorgeous. Lush. Perfect.” His fingers teased her nipple into a tight, aching point. “Fuck. I want you so bad. I can’t stop touching you. Make me stop, Eva. Tell me no.”

Stop? Like hell I will, she thought, urging him on with her body. Eva’s skin prickled as pleasure shot from her breast to her clit. Her pussy throbbed, swollen and wet. She wanted more. So much more. She’d be totally okay if he wanted to go all the way with her right now. She wished he would.

“Please, Charlie,” she said, shocked when her voice came out soft and breathy. The best part about all of this was that she knew Charlie. She’d been half in love with him for years, and she could easily slip the rest of the way down that particular rabbit hole. She slid her hands down over his waist, then up under his tight shirt. His skin was silky smooth. Muscles contracted under her fingertips.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he muttered, even as he kissed her again. “I’m just going to hurt you.”

“No, you won’t.” Eva wound a leg around his thigh. His cock was so hot it felt like a brand against her belly. She couldn’t even imagine what it might feel like inside her. “I want you to do this, Charlie,” she said, just in case he got the ridiculous idea that he was forcing her into it. “I asked you for this, remember?”

Charlie growled again, sucking on her neck. It hurt. It felt divine. Eva sank her hands into his hair and made fists as he ravaged her neck. The harder she pulled, the wilder he became, so she gripped his hair with all her strength. When he bit down, she gasped, trying to get some friction at the juncture of her thighs. If he would just move his leg a little bit to the left…

He slid his hands down and cupped her ass, hauling her up against him. Eva ended up grinding down on his thigh. She shuddered, head falling back. She’d fingered herself to orgasm a hundred times, but it had never felt like this. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this.

“Charlie, please,” she begged, not sure what she was asking for. “I need more.”

He kissed her again, then slowly lowered her down and grasped her wrists. “Eva,” he said, whispering her name into her ear. “Shh, baby.”

“Wait, no,” she said, trying to get closer again. Why was he pulling away? She was so close.

Charlie panted, his forehead on her shoulder. “We have to stop.”

Eva shook her head. “No, we don’t. I know you, Charlie. I picked you for my first time.” She tried to pull her hands free, but he tightened his grip, and damn it all to hell, the restraint excited her even more. She loved that he was strong enough to handle her. No one else had ever even tried. “Please. I’m not a child anymore. I’m not just your best friend’s daughter, and you know it.”

How Long Is Forever Teaser Excerpt!

How Long Is Forever is coming soon!

It’s one of my favorite parts of a romance: the first kiss. In this excerpt, Evangeline is experiencing not only her first kiss with Charlie, but her first kiss EVER!

I’m waiting on cover art and a release date, but both are coming very soon!

Erotic Romance, May-Dec, Rubenesque
Word Count: 50,500

Too tall, too smart, too fat—Eva is sick of guys treating her like crap because they can’t handle her curves or her brains. It’s time for her to ditch her pesky virginity, and when she needs help, there’s only one man on her shortlist: Charlie Greenwood, her dad’s best friend. So what if he’s too old for her? So what if he’s the guy she’s been crushing on for years? He was her rock when her parents died, and he’s the only man who treats her like a human being instead of a joke.

Charlie knows he shouldn’t look at Eva the way he does, but she’s got curves that go on forever, and he’s a sucker for a smart woman. So what if she’s too young for him? So what if he can’t stop imagining her in his bed? In his arms? Looking isn’t doing, right?

When Eva propositions him, suddenly looking isn’t enough. Lust has a way of wrecking the best intentions, especially when love lurks around the bend.

 

Story Excerpt:

Eva gasped as Charlie’s lips met hers. He felt big and strong and so fucking hot she could barely think beforehe kissed her, but now her brain went nuclear—sparks in all directions. She mindlessly scrabbled at his arms and sank her fingers into his shoulders. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t stop or push her away. He took everything she threw at him like a solid wall of awesomeness.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, breaking for air.

She sucked in a breath, but before she could say anything, he kissed her again. He hauled her up against him, moving her as if she weighed nothing at all. Eva squeaked, but Charlie didn’t let go. He kissed her deeper, sweeping his tongue along her lips and then into her mouth as if he would die if he couldn’t taste her. When he finally lifted his head, she swallowed, hard. She had to look up to see him, and wasn’t that something else. Holy what the fuck. Be careful what you ask for, she thought hazily. Her lips tingled. Her pussy tingled, and he hadn’t even gotten to second base.

Charlie didn’t speak. He looked at her with eyes gone dark and hot. He didn’t let go. He loomed over her like a beast, and Eva shivered and dug her fingers into his muscles. He didn’t even seem to notice. She liked him like this. She liked him in every way it was possible for a woman to like a man.

“Wow,” she whispered. Her lips felt swollen. Her tongue felt stupid. She bit her cheek so she wouldn’t beg him for more.

“Is this what you wanted?” he finally growled, aggressive and so damned male she shivered.

Eva licked her lips. “Yes.” It was her first kiss, and it was everything she’d ever wanted: a man who wasn’t afraid of her brain or her size or her strength. Charlie had no idea how rare that was. She gathered her wits. “More,” she said. “Please.”

Charlie inhaled sharply, eyes on her mouth. “God help me.” And then he lowered his head.

Eva trembled, expecting his lips on hers again, but instead, he kissed down her jaw to her throat. His mouth was hot and soft and ridiculously gentle.

“You smell like citrus,” he said, voice low and rumbly. “I want to eat you up.”

Good lord. Eva moaned, then hissed when he scraped his teeth along the sensitive skin near her ear. “Don’t stop,” she said, finally getting the courage to slide her fingers up into his hair. He still had some dried flecks of joint compound in it, and she smoothed it out of the strands as he kissed her again. For the first time, she tried to kiss him back. When her tongue met his, he groaned.

“Yeah. That’s it, honey.” Charlie bit her lip, then soothed it with his mouth.

Eva found herself writhing against him, trying to get closer. No wonder people do crazy things for love, she thought, wishing she could crawl inside him. His body pressed hard and heavy against hers, and he didn’t even budge as she wriggled. Something hot and thick pressed against her abdomen, and with sudden clarity, she realized it was his erection. Charlie was aroused. The sudden knowledge was enough to jerk her out of her sensual reverie. “Oh my God,” she said, voice breaking. “Oh my God.”

“Not God, Eva. Just a man.” Charlie kissed her again, sliding his hands up her body. One slid around her right breast, flicking the nipple. She hadn’t bothered with a bra, and clearly, he’d noticed. He cupped her and rolled his hips into her in a slow facsimile of fucking. “You’re so fucking gorgeous. Lush. Perfect.” His fingers teased her nipple into a tight, aching point. “Fuck. I want you so bad. I can’t stop touching you. Make me stop, Eva. Tell me no.”

Stop? Like hell I will, she thought, urging him on with her body. Eva’s skin prickled as pleasure shot from her breast to her clit. Her pussy throbbed, swollen and wet. She wanted more. So much more. She’d be totally okay if he wanted to go all the way with her right now. She wished he would.

“Please, Charlie,” she said, shocked when her voice came out soft and breathy. The best part about all of this was that she knew Charlie. She’d been half in love with him for years, and she could easily slip the rest of the way down that particular rabbit hole. She slid her hands down over his waist, then up under his tight shirt. His skin was silky smooth. Muscles contracted under her fingertips.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he muttered, even as he kissed her again. “I’m just going to hurt you.”

“No, you won’t.” Eva wound a leg around his thigh. His cock was so hot it felt like a brand against her belly. She couldn’t even imagine what it might feel like inside her. “I want you to do this, Charlie,” she said, just in case he got the ridiculous idea that he was forcing her into it. “I asked you for this, remember?”

Charlie growled again, sucking on her neck. It hurt. It felt divine. Eva sank her hands into his hair and made fists as he ravaged her neck. The harder she pulled, the wilder he became, so she gripped his hair with all her strength. When he bit down, she gasped, trying to get some friction at the juncture of her thighs. If he would just move his leg a little bit to the left…

He slid his hands down and cupped her ass, hauling her up against him. Eva ended up grinding down on his thigh. She shuddered, head falling back. She’d fingered herself to orgasm a hundred times, but it had never felt like this. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this.

“Charlie, please,” she begged, not sure what she was asking for. “I need more.”

He kissed her again, then slowly lowered her down and grasped her wrists. “Eva,” he said, whispering her name into her ear. “Shh, baby.”

“Wait, no,” she said, trying to get closer again. Why was he pulling away? She was so close.

Charlie panted, his forehead on her shoulder. “We have to stop.”

Eva shook her head. “No, we don’t. I know you, Charlie. I picked you for my first time.” She tried to pull her hands free, but he tightened his grip, and damn it all to hell, the restraint excited her even more. She loved that he was strong enough to handle her. No one else had ever even tried. “Please. I’m not a child anymore. I’m not just your best friend’s daughter, and you know it.”

How Long Is Forever is coming soon!

I’m excited to announce I’ve just signed the contract for How Long Is Forever! This book is dear to my heart because the heroine, Eva, is young and sweet, and hasn’t been treated well because of her height and figure. She needs a man who deserves someone as awesome as she is, and Charlie is that guy. 😀

I loved writing this one!

Erotic Romance, May-Dec, Rubenesque, Mainstream
Word Count: 50,500

Too tall, too smart, too fat—Eva is sick of guys treating her like crap because they can’t handle her curves or her brains. It’s time for her to ditch her pesky virginity, and when she needs help, there’s only one man on her shortlist: Charlie Greenwood, her dad’s best friend. So what if he’s too old for her? So what if he’s the guy she’s been crushing on for years? He was her rock when her parents died, and he’s the only man who treats her like a human being instead of a joke.

Charlie knows he shouldn’t look at Eva the way he does, but she’s got curves that go on forever, and he’s a sucker for a smart woman. So what if she’s too young for him? So what if he can’t stop imagining her in his bed? In his arms? Looking isn’t doing, right?

When Eva propositions him, suddenly looking isn’t enough. Lust has a way of wrecking the best intentions, especially when love lurks around the bend.

 

Chance encounters and love… is it possible?

Many moons ago I was obsessed with MMF (menage romance), and I wrote three novellas based on the idea of chance encounters. I had a ton of fun writing these novels, because sometimes you don’t fall in love, you stumble over it again and again. You just gotta open up your heart and let the idea of it settle inside you. And yes, that means that sometimes you need to look a little beyond the standard romance trope. Sometimes you can fall in love with two people, not just one. Sometimes you can fall for two people at the same time!

The Four-Letter Word series is all about taking a chance when a chance encounter convinces the girl that the universe is trying to tell her something. Don’t worry, you can read these books out of order, so feel free to pick and choose at will!

Take a chance…

 

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Evernight – Amazon Kindle – BookStrand – Barnes & Noble – Kobo – Smashwords – iBookstore

What if you met your soul-mates on the beach and didn’t realize it? How many chance encounters would it take before you risked everything and let yourself fall in love with not one, but two men?

For Carrie, losing her bikini top in the ocean leads to an erotic encounter with two gorgeous guys. For Eric and Zeke, the steamy kiss they share with her is an amusing interlude on a sunny, summer day, but when the three of them meet again at the art museum, attraction turns into passion. Zeke and Eric realize their feelings for each other are just as potent as their desire for Carrie. Will they risk everything and choose love? Will Carrie be willing to take that leap with them when loving two men means goodbye to her safe, conventional existence?

 

Evernight – Amazon – BookStrand – Barnes & Noble – Kobo – Smashwords – iBookstore

What if you met your soul-mates after you crashed your bicycle? Would you recognize them?

For Sherry, the two men who come to her rescue are gorgeous, fun, and delicious to kiss. She forgets all about them until they meet again at a charity-kissing booth. Is it fate? Destiny? Who cares? Eli and Simon are rich, handsome, and eligible. Kissing them is awesome. Watching them kiss each other is even better, but Sherry knows not to take her infatuation too seriously.

However, when she encounters them for a third time at a deserted highway rest stop, the kisses they share leave her breathless and yearning for more. Something is different. Her lust for their lips might be turning into a desire for love and happily ever after, but her secrets may spell disaster. Can Eli and Simon heal her wounded heart? Will they kiss her qualms away?

 

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Evernight – BookStrand – Amazon – Barnes & Noble – Smashwords – Kobo

Josh and Troy aren’t looking for a girlfriend, but a lost bet sends them into a small room with a broken lock. When a beautiful blonde limps in from the connecting bathroom, they end up on their knees trying to make her feel better.

Felicity isn’t looking for love, but she keeps falling into Josh and Troy’s arms. The men can’t control their desire to take care of her. She can’t resist their humor.

Even so, Felicity isn’t sure she wants to date two guys at once, especially when she’s white and they’re not. Josh and Troy aren’t sure their attraction for her and each other is worth the risk.

Will a secret from Felicity’s past push them away before they come together? Will Josh and Troy be able to convince her they’re serious, and that their love is hers for the taking?

This Story Is Actually a Tragedy

Why do writers kill their characters?

I know none of us likes to contemplate such horror, but it happens. Happily, the romance genre is known for its persistent HEA (happily ever after) endings, so I tend to read a lot of romance novels. My motto is: life already sucks massively, why would I want to read about horrible shit when I don’t have too? I want the books I read to entertain me. I don’t want them to be real. That’s why I get so angry when authors kill off beloved characters. Why do they do that?

  1. Boredom: I am so sick of writing about so-and-so and her issues. I want her to die in a fire. Slowly.
  2. Laziness: Hey, wait! I know an easy way to add conflict! Let’s kill off the heroine and see what happens!
  3. Hatred: I hate that character. Where did she come from? What is my inner psyche trying to tell me? You know what? I don’t care. She’s dead. *evil laugh*
  4. Planning: I don’t care how much this character has grown or how many readers love her. I planned to kill her way back when, and by damn, I’m going to do it!
  5. Wickedness: Ha! Everyone likes so-and-so. Lemme burn her house down and then have her drown in a flood! That’ll be hilarious!
  6. I’m a Better Writer Than This Series: Sorry everyone, I don’t care how much you like Sherlock Holmes, I want to write literary fiction (as if anyone actually reads such snobbish prose).
  7. Just Like Real Life: Not everyone survives a crashed car, tornado, war, etc. And how else to explore the emotional impact of such a thing? Kill off a secondary character and see how the main character deals.
  8. This Story Is Actually a Tragedy: Oh, right. There are other genres instead of romance novels! And people die in those books, usually because they are stupid. Romeo and Juliet still has the capacity to enrage me beyond reason.
  9. Zombies: Everyone dies. Hilariously. Probably because no one was smart enough to stockpile flame throwers and shotguns.